Random Thoughts

I have been reading a lot of blogs lately because I have plenty of time to waste. I came across this blog that hit me big time. You can read it here. I love how the writer wrote it. It is entitled, " To the baby I'll never had", It started with the mother telling that she had a garage sale with mostly baby stuff, her baby's baby clothes in particular. I can truly relate to what she felt or what she feels though I did not sell my baby's baby clothes but instead I handed them down to my nieces. The only difference that we have was that she kept some for her to remember those days when her baby was still wearing that clothes unlike me, I gave everything. Because, that's how we are in our family, we hand down stuff that we don't use anymore so that others can utilize them. Well, its true that time really fly fast, you are breastfeeding an infant now the next thing you know she's already running around the house and messing everything. Time runs so fast, and we have no hold with it. 

There are those times that I get nostalgic looking at baby pictures of my now grade-schooler daughter. You can't keep yourself from feeling a little emotional each time because, you can no longer do things with her like you used to. I get emotional each time I see something in her that makes me realize she really is growing up. She's no longer that chubby-cheeks-curly-hair-fat-legged baby girl that I had. She is now a growing skinny-little lady who is full of ambitions. Each day she's showing that she can do things on her own and she has her own sense of style. She chooses what hairstyle fit her and fuss around if I insist on something she doesn't like.  Things like that, I will always treasure.

And then, the writer mentioned about her longing for yet another baby, how peculiar right?  I feel the same way like her, exactly the same way, so I am just going to quote what she wrote in here. 
                  "The thing is…My heart still wants one more. We may be done and we may have made that decision carefully and intentionally…but there’s no way to convince my heart that our family is complete right now. And how can I accept that our family is complete if I don’t FEEL it?
To the baby I’m never going to have…I love thinking about you. I love imagining seeing you in the ultrasound room for the first time, the magic of seeing a little heartbeat on the screen. I love imagining you coming home from the hospital to a big brother and big sister who will love you to pieces, and probably slobber you with kisses. I love imagining you scooting after your big brother and sister, trying to keep up. I picture rocking you in the same chair I rocked your siblings, treasuring the middle of the night feeds when it’s just you and me. I picture you learning to crawl. To walk. To run. I would want to soak every second in, knowing from your siblings how each stage, good or bad, is fleeting. I wonder who you would be someday, and if you are a piece missing from our family’s story.
I wonder if someday, when I’m old and gray, I will still be imagining you, as an adult, with a family of your own."
Amazing, right? Hay, I really pray for another baby but if it will not be given, I am thankful for my unica hija. I love her to bits.

Love lots,
Mamay

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