Goodbye Gwapo

Dear Gwapo,

Until now I still can't believe you did what you did! You have a lot of friends, why did you took everything to yourself. You know you can always trust them to make you feel better if by that time you were so lonely and broken? I hate you for being so selfish! Sharing your friends just a little about how you felt would have been so helpful to lighten up your burden. I hate that you decided in the spur of the moment, you could at least tried to make it still work. Why did you listen to the whisper of the devil? I know I would never feel what you felt, but God is good. He will not judge you. He will listen to you no matter how bad you did in your past. You could have at least reach out to Him if you were so afraid to share to us. 
But whatever I say now is too late, I know! I know that I have been not so nice to you in the past. I judged you based on the bad things that you did. I even got irritated every time I learn that you and Papay are together because I know what you're up to. I'm sorry Gwapo for  all the times that I felt that way.
I did not dare to look at you with the rope, it is just too much to take. I took a glance at you when you were put down without the rope. I can't even get my feet into your payag. The night you took your life, I was so shocked, well all of us were. My body was shaking as I walk going to your house. I was in denial, I prayed that it wasn't true. I prayed that if it's true, you are still alive.
It is so hard to accept that you are really gone. As I was watching your picture above your coffin last night, I still can remember the ever carefree and smiling Gwapo. There were times that I forgot that you are the one inside that coffin. You are still very much alive in my mind and of all the minds of the people that were there, offering their prayers for you. I got emotional whenever someone talks about you and their memories of you. I almost cried during prayer last night when Nay Mingga mentioned your name in her prayers and worst when we have to sing that song. It is just so surreal.
I don't know when will I get over this. It is so different in our place now that you are gone. Everybody is grieving for your departure. You see that Gwapo? You caused all the tears we cried, all the pain we are feeling right now and God knows when will we be able to live normal again knowing that you're gone. It is just so heavy to bear.
But there's nothing we could do but pray for your soul. Whatever your reasons for taking your life, I will pray that I will be able to accept that and face the reality that you really are gone now. I pray that all the anger in my heart will fade and understanding will follow.
Gwapo, all of us missed you so much already and I want you to know that you were wrong when you said that you were all alone, that you have no friends..you have all of us and we care for you!
Rest well Gwapo and I hope you're worry less now wherever you are.
You will be forever in our hearts!!!!


Grieving so much,
Pipay


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 1 of 365

Image
On the first day of 2018, it was raining the whole day because of TD Agaton. Yes, Agaton started the new year. We all did not invite him but still, he came and even left some areas flooded. But, nonetheless, we had fun celebrating the first day of the new year 2018 and at the same time the birthday of our youngest bro, Emman. Although, most of the time we were sleeping or lying down, we enjoyed new year. The pics tell it all. Happy New Year! Mamay :-)
Read more

Day 2 of 365

Second day of 2018 was a working day for me. I had to endure holiday blues and get myself to the office and spent 8 hours in front of my computer looking at pictures from the previous holidays and did not even touched anything that has something to do with work. Hahaha. Lucky for me I don't have that much to do these days so I had the luxury of time to splurge on unnecessary things. By the way, I took my daughter with me to work since I really don't have anything to do at the office. We went to buy the toy that she wanted for the money that she earned (partly). It was expensive! I never would have splurged my money on that toy if it was my money, but it's partly hers, so let it be. She was happy though with that toy and that was enough for a mom like me. That was how my 2nd day of 2018 went. Mamay
Read more

Unplanned trips are the Best!

Image
 Last July 1, since it was a holiday in Tagbilaran City in commemoration of its Charter Day, we have no work or shall I say I have no work- Papay decided to take the day off as well. Out of the blue, he jokingly said that we'll go to Strawberry farm in Mayana, Jagna and I took his words - so off we go! That trip was long-overdue anyway, we have been talking of going but it never pushed through. It is true that it's better not to plan things and just go with the flow, no disappointments.  It was a long drive, we had several stop overs because reality, our body can't keep up with our minds. My legs and back were aching but because I did not want to be called "KJ" as what they often call me.. so I braved all that. We stopped first in Lila for a photo op because Papay wanted to show to his friend whose from Lila but now in abroad, you know, to make him feel more home-sick. Haha! Our second stop-over was in Garcia Hernandez, this time it was a long stop. Papay ate his ...
Read more